Aloha, my dearest PhiloSurfer!
In previous issues of this Philosophical Surfing Magazine, we have been discussing topics like:
- Cosmopolitanism (do you remember Hierocles encouraging his students to address strangers as bros & sisters?)
- Freedom & Soul Surfing (yes, Rob Machado high-fiving’ Kelly Slater instead of ruthlessly competing to win the Pipe Masters!).
Well, this week, we’re going to dig deep into a topic that’s implicitly connected to all the previous ones:
Friendship (aka Bromance)
Let’s pick up the dictionary for once:
Friendship: the state of being friends.
Seriously? That’s it?
Friend: one attached to another by affection or esteem.
Not much. Either.
Let’s now ask the greatest.
Are We Pals, Aristotle?
According to most probably the second greatest philosopher of Antiquity (and for sure the greatest scientist of that time), there are 3 types of friendship:
- Friendships of Utility: Nowadays, we’d call that a win-win relationship.
- Friendships of Pleasure: Think of your pals with whom you play surf, drink beers or have fun just for the sake of it.
- Friendships of Virtue: That’s the highest form of friendship, motivated by the excellence of your friend’s personality, and it involves becoming better individuals by learning from one another.
So, there is not only one reason to be friends, just like there is not only one way to be friends.
Important Note #1: All these friendship types (esp. the first 2 types – utility and pleasure based) require that the one who gets the benefit is your friend, not you. Otherwise, you would be using your acquaintances & that’s a No-No (i.e., the opposite of friendship).
Still, affection and esteem must always be present, as the dictionary states.
So, friendship revolves around giving.
Giving without expecting anything in return.
Actionable Tip #1:
Take your phone & check your favorite list.
Think of each one of those friends if they’re in the 1, 2 or 3 Aristotelean category.
Then think if you are providing utility, pleasure or virtue just for the sake of it.
If it’s been a while, revive that relationship, water it!
Happy Without Friends?
Damn No!
If there’s a philosopher that would have celebrated Rob Machado’s gesture in 2004 at Pipeline the most, that’s Epicurus.
This philosopher from the Hellenistic era established the podium of the top-3 essential needs for being happy:
1.- WISDOM
2.- FREEDOM
3.- FRIENDSHIP
He famously wrote:
“Of all the means to insure happiness throughout the whole life, by far the most important is the acquisition of friends.”
Epicurus truly believes that friendship is the best way to be happy once basic needs like food & roof are covered.
Important Note #2: For the materialistic folks out there:
- If you’re rich but have no friends, you’ll be unhappy.
- It’s totally possible to have friends & be happy without large amounts of money.
Actionable Tip #2:
Knowing that good friends will be there for you when needed is a significant form of support.
It helps you be confident to face gnarly waves.
Make sure you’re there when a friend’s in need!
Micheladas & Friends:
Friends are so important that you can trace your lifetime by listing your best friends who have walked along part of the way.
That’s what, in a way, William Finnegan does in my favorite surfing book:
Barbarian Days. A Surfing Life.
Here’s the Spanish translation in a Mexican secret spot (alongside a Michelada, my favorite cocktail).
(BTW, I helped improve the technical surfing terms that were poorly translated. Only available on the 8th edition onwards.)
William Finnegan writes his Pulitzer-awarded memoir by making a profound homage to his many friends.
Among them, I was especially moved by the accounts of these 3:
- Bryan Di Salvatore: Bryan was William’s long-time friend and surfing companion. Their friendship was based on a shared passion for surfing and literature and exploring from which both got significant wins.
- Roddy Kaulukukui: Their friendship was formed while they were both attending school in Hawaii. They spent countless hours riding waves together, exchanging stories, and immersing themselves in the beauty of Hawaii’s surf scene. A friendship for pleasure.
- Caryn Davidson: Finnegan’s girlfriend during a significant period in his life, from Hawaii to the shores of Southeast Asia. She provided emotional support and companionship for him to explore the world in search of the perfect wave. Their friendship was deeply grounded in virtue.
If you haven’t read Barbarian Days, what are you waiting for, my friend?
In the grand tapestry of life, friendship weaves a thread of joy, support, and growth.
TL; DR
Embrace the power of meaningful connections, nourish your friendships, and ride the waves of life with your dearest PhiloSurfer companions by your side.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this account of friendship!
Malako for reading!
Aloha!
